Married with Children...or a dog=)

What a journey my life has been since the beginning of October. Well, I'm married- one month on tuesday. It's hard to even articulate the thoughts and emotions that have cycled through me. October 18th was a perfect day- sunshine, Autumn air, and the best wedding to boot! I walked down that aisle with tears streaming down my face, overwhelmed with the fact that I was actually walking down the aisle, towards the man I love and will love for the rest of my life. I said vows in that church that will not ever be taken lightly. Our reception was so much fun and in the blink of an eye, it was 11:30 and we were driving off to our honeymoon. If I could re-live that day, I would.

There are no words to describe the companionship that marriage brings. Everyday, I wake up and realize once again just how blessed I am. I have my husband, our hyper little puppy, a job, and school- which thankfully has an end in sight! God is reviving my heart, something I desperatly need right now. I feel like I will finally be able to breathe and process these last few months as soon as my Fall class is done with. So while this entry is short, realize the enormity of change my life has taken....

In His Mercy.

12 Days

I went to church yesterday and everyone (except for one person) who talked to me asked me if I was nervous about getting married. I answered with a resounding no. I am so excited! I'm not nervous because I know that I am marrying the right person. Being David's wife and having David as my husband seems like the most natural thing in the world today. I met with Rick today to talk about the ceremony. Our sanctuary has glass all across the back, so how he told me how it would work so that David would not see me until I walked down the aisle. I envisioned it all in my head and I started to get all teary-eyed and fluttery in my stomach. David still gives me butterflies=) I know our reception will be a blast, but I am most looking forward to our ceremony because that is where we will say our vows and make our promises to one another. To me, that is the most important thing we will do on October 18th=) I love my David and I am so excited for our wedding- in just 12 more days!!!!

In His Mercy.

Love

Last night I went to the Bible study that David has started up on Wednesday nights. Last night, we watched a Nooma video with Rob Bell. He talked about the three different kinds of love in the Old Testament. There's the friendship love, the deep affection and desire love, and then there's erotic love. As he went through the three loves, he explained how in a marriage relationship, all three loves have to work together in order for the marriage to thrive. If you think in terms of each of the loves being a flame, then they need to burn together and not as three separate loves.

I just thought that that was an appropriate lesson to learn about three days before I'll be flying up to CT for David and I's wedding. I mean, we started off as friends, and as our love for each other grew as friends, it developed into a deeper affection and so on. And that's the way it should be. As our loves for each other grow, so will our marriage.

16 days=)

In His Mercy.

Redemption

Have you ever really sat down and thought about what it is that God saved you from? Even the small behaviors that needed a touch of His grace? I have often thought that because I didn't have a dramatic story, then maybe I wasn't "so bad". Well, today I found a tape of me and an old friend of mine named Heather from middle school. We fell out of touch years ago, but I thought it would be fun to listen to this tape. A good chunk of the tape is us bashing another friend of ours that we hung out with a lot. I know this was like, 12 years ago, but I had this "aha" moment where I realized it was this that I was saved from. I'm not saying I'm guilt-free in the gossip and judgement area, but in hindsight, I realized the weight of my words. I found pleasure in making myself feel better about myself by making fun of someone  else. 

Jesus has certainly saved me from a lot. While it's fun to take a stroll down memory lane, I am also grateful that I have turned my life around!

In His Mercy.

Reality Does Not Bite

I haven't written in over a month. It's not that I don't have anything to say. In fact, I have a lot to say, but not a lot of words to articulate it all. I'll just give a brief update about what's going on with me. I spent two weeks in Connecticut last month so I could get some wedding planning done and have my first of four bridal showers. The shower was so much fun, but there are two observations to be made: one, it's weird being the center of attention like that; and two, bridal showers are kind of like Christmas in that you get all excited about the day coming, and then it's over in what seems like 5 minutes and there's that slight let down that it's all over.

So on my back down to Georgia, I was looking out the airplane window and watching us slowly descend towards the ground. I'm not a fan of flying, but I love landing. As we got closer and closer to the ground, I thought to myself, "When did I get so afraid of life?" It's as if somewhere in the last 5 years, a switch was flipped and I started fearing life. I fear that the plane isn't safe. I fear that when I drive in the rain, my car will crash. I fear the unfamiliar. So as I sat in that seat in that airplane, I said to the Lord, "I trust you. I trust that this plane is in your hands and that I have some things I need to do for you still." 

That was a Saturday. Two days later, I started my new job. I got a job at a preschool as the director's assistant. I pretty much do a little bit if everything. Since the two weeks that I have been there, I have substituted in the music class, helped out the two year olds, written a newsletter, began to organize all the paperwork they'll need to be re-certified this year as an accredited preschool, and made a little girl smile on the playground when no one would play with her. I may fear the unknown, but the truth is- not to toot my own whistle- that I have a lot to offer and I am able.

40 days till David and I get married....

In His Mercy.

Just One of Those Days

Today has been one of those days where I wanted to just sit down in the middle of the floor, cry, and just give up- and by give up, I mean go back to bed and hope for a better tomorrow. It's not even that the things happening were all that bad. Here was my day: wake up at 6:20, get ready for the gym, eat a bowl of cereal, head over to meet David, puppy McCartney poops and pees in her kennel, we get mad at her, go to gym, come back home, McCartney poops on floor after David had let her out, we get mad at her again, we go to get me a Georgia liscence and wait in line for 45 minutes only to find out that I needed either my passport or birth certificate, I get mad and start to cry, David goes to a meeting, I go back home only to find that McCartney has escaped from her kennel, chewed on things she's not supposed to, pooped on the floor again, I get mad at her and she goes back to the kennel, I go to my meeting-exhausted by now, come home and suddenly McCartney is being an angel, but has to go out every 20 minutes (at least she let me know), I proceed to cry, and finally, McCartney falls asleep and I can finally get started on my homework.

Why do I fret the small stuff? Philippians 4:7 has been on my heart a lot lately: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." I need God's peace something wicked<-- once a Northerner, always a Northerner. It took me until about 4:00 today to actually stop and pray. It always occurs to me "too late" to do this. Why is this the case? Why do I not immediately turn to the Lord in prayer? I am just so desperate for the Lord's peace and rest.

My mind doesn't slow down these days. David and I get married in 2 months and 19 days- so lots of wedding planning. Classes are approaching their final module, which means lots of work due in the next couple of weeks. Job potential is just sitting out there and I am waiting patiently for an answer. 

I just need some rest. Lord, give me your rest.

In His Mercy.

I Sit and Watch

...as time goes by. It has been almost a month since I have last written and a month and half since I have moved down to Georgia. I can't even articulate what I have been doing. The brief update of my life is this: I finally unpacked my stuff, David and I are getting a puppy within the next couple of weeks, I went on my first vacation in about 11 years, and my parents are coming to visit next week.

I've had some intense "omg" moments in the past couple of weeks. This whole wedding ordeal is hitting me little by little. 101 days- or 3 months and 10 days. The first set of shower invitations have gone out and the wedding invitations have been ordered. Things on our registry are starting to disappear. All this is going on and last night it culminated with me crying in David's arms about missing my family. The day I marry David is the day I have officially separated myself from my family in some major ways. This is big.

I'm not scared or having any doubts. In fact, quite the contrary. It seems like everyday I love David even more, to the point where I wonder exactly where the human heart's capacity to love with God's love actually ends. It does say in Ecclesiastes (I think it's Ecclesiastes) that God has put eternity in the hearts of men. Is the ability to drink so deeply from God's well of endless love what this is getting at? October 18th will quite possibly be the one of the happiest days of my life. I am so anxious for our day to come. We set the date 10 months ago and time seems to have flown. But yet, 3 months and 10 days seems like forever and a day away. But for now, I constantly thank God for the man I have in David....

In His Mercy.