While I'm Waiting

This has been a time of waiting for David and I. As is public knowledge, we are (fingers crossed) being moved to a new church this summer. While we are excited about this new chapter unfolding, it's a bit unnerving (at least for me) to have to wait for that phone call from the D.S. David did have an interview on Tuesday, but sensed that it wasn't what God has for us.

I just want to know where we'll be. This whole "waiting thing" is weighing on my heart. As most of my close friends, family,and of course Hubby know, I am itching to have a baby. David and I are both excited about me getting "preggers," but as of right now, we know we have to wait. I have to admit, I am struggling with the waiting. It's not that I feel like we have to rush, I am just anxious to have a baby. It's a desire that is deeply embedded into my heart- I can't even articulate it. So I sit here, waiting, happy for my friends who ARE pregnant, but struggling in the wait.

I guess it comes down to this: how can being a mom and having a career pan out? I want both, but the desire for a family is so much stronger, but practically speaking a job would be helpful. Not only helpful, but something I want- I am 13 hours away from earning my 96-hour master's degree and I didn't go through this for nothing! Do you see my struggle????

In His Mercy.....

New Year

Well, it's a new year! I have been on quite the journey this past year. A year ago, I sat on my in-laws stair steps next to David in tears. We would be apart for the next 5 months and it was breaking my heart. I made it through my third year of seminary and moved down to Georgia. I got a job, took three online classes, and planned my wedding. And then of course---I got married! While the year had its challenges, it was full of blessings. David and I shared our first Christmas together as a husband and wife and it was so much fun! I made us breakfast and we had fun opening our presents in our pj's before heading to his parents house. My mom was surprised Christmas day with a ticket to come see me for my birthday, so she was there when I turned 26! 

So now I am coming down off of what seemed like a one-year wedding high and am facing the inevitable return to work in three days. So what are my new years resolutions? Well, of course there's the typical "lose 10 pounds" that every person seems to resolve themselves to after a long, sugary December, but what I really desire is a deeper relationship with the Lord. I feel like somewhere amidst wedding plans and settling into married life that I have lost touch with who I am and more importantly whose I am. I don't know what this new year holds, but I know the one Who holds my life in HIs hands and THAT is what I want a deeper understanding of!

In His Mercy.

Silent Night

Sunday was a peaceful day at church. David's sermon made me cry. Here's the thing, I love David's sermons, but they've never made me cry before! The premise of the sermon was that Joseph was a real man for standing by Mary even though scandal was a possibility due to her "untimely" pregnancy. He ended the sermon by reminding us that just as Joseph was Jesus' adoptive father, God the Father adopts all of us into His family. This is when I started to cry.

I will not be with my family this year for Christmas, but God the Father will be with me. He will celebrate in the Christmas joy with me. Praise the Lord! I will have a Father with me tomorrow=)

We ended the service by singing "Silent Night, Holy Night." I could barely sing past the tears forming in my eyes. I can't even begin to imagine the tenderness of that night when Jesus was born....

Rejoice, rejoice! Your King has come to you, o Israel!

In His Mercy.

Silence is Golden

Sunday morning, I sat down in front of the tv with a bowl of cereal, yogurt, milk, and of course, coffee. I pressed the power button and the tv blew out. In a panic, I immediately started planning on what to do- buy a new tv? Take David's mom's old tv? Whatever will we do without a television?

In Sunday school, we are going through Rob Bell's Nooma videos. It just so happened that on Sunday, the video we were watching was about silence and how we needed to turn off the cell phones and tv's in order to hear God's voice. While discussing this video, I realized that perhaps our tv breaking was spiritual, and not just the inevitable of our old tv dying.

The funny thing is is that it turned out, I didn't even have time to do what I wanted to do while our tv lay there dead. There is so much to do. Turning on the tv is possibly a crutch for not doing other things that need to get done. 

Silence is golden.

In His Mercy.

Little Hands and Loud Amens

Four days a week, I get to go into my job and be blessed by 2, 3, and 4-year-olds. Each morning we have a staff meeting where we go over anouncements, do a devotional, and take up prayers and praised. Jim asked us one morning if anyone had any praises and 4-year-old Gabriel (son of one of the teachers) raises his hand and says, "Jesus loves us, this I know." Precious.

So then it was time to pray and we all held hands. On one side of me was 3-year-old Wright. Unsure if he would want to take my hand, I held it out and he looked me and decided it was ok to hold onto my hand. Throughout the prayer, his little hand kept slipping and he would inch his little fingers back into the palm of my hand and hold on as tightly as he could. It was so sweet.

I wonder if God wanted to teach me about the kind of faith I should have. I need to know with all my heart that Jesus loves me. And when I start slipping away from the Lord, I need to inch my fingers back into the palm of His hand and hold on as tightly as I can.

While there are days where I am copying and stapling in the office and I have to remember that one day my degree will be put to better use, there are other days where I get to be in the classroom surrounded by these precious kids and be blessed by them for three hours....and even beyond as I sit here and share my experience=)

In His MErcy.

Ripping off the Band-aid

This holiday season so far has been a process of ripping off the rest of the band-aid, so to speak. It has been a struggle to "be okay" with not going home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, something which has never happened. Furthermore, I don't even know when I'll see my parents or brother and sister-in-law. Last night David and I put up our tree, decorated our mantle, and decorated our front porch. As I sit here and admire our stockings and sparkling tree, I am struck by where I find myself. God has blessed me so much. 

Seminary was a place of self-discovery for me, as cliche as that may sound. I probably gained at least 15 pounds my first year, as I ate my way through depression. But the Lord taught me to love myself and consequently how to love Him first and foremost. I learned how to take it all to the foot of the cross and then the Lord brought David into my life.

So I sit here a married woman with a precious little puppy by my side. We are a family in our own right and for that, I am so grateful. There are no words to describe this formation of a family, with God in the center. This year, we will start our own traditions. And that is perfectly okay. As I mourn the "almost complete" separation from my family, I joyfully welcome David, Me, and McCartney's new traditions and new family.

God is so good...all the time. All the time....God is good.

In HIs Mercy.

Married with Children...or a dog=)

What a journey my life has been since the beginning of October. Well, I'm married- one month on tuesday. It's hard to even articulate the thoughts and emotions that have cycled through me. October 18th was a perfect day- sunshine, Autumn air, and the best wedding to boot! I walked down that aisle with tears streaming down my face, overwhelmed with the fact that I was actually walking down the aisle, towards the man I love and will love for the rest of my life. I said vows in that church that will not ever be taken lightly. Our reception was so much fun and in the blink of an eye, it was 11:30 and we were driving off to our honeymoon. If I could re-live that day, I would.

There are no words to describe the companionship that marriage brings. Everyday, I wake up and realize once again just how blessed I am. I have my husband, our hyper little puppy, a job, and school- which thankfully has an end in sight! God is reviving my heart, something I desperatly need right now. I feel like I will finally be able to breathe and process these last few months as soon as my Fall class is done with. So while this entry is short, realize the enormity of change my life has taken....

In His Mercy.