Redemption

Have you ever really sat down and thought about what it is that God saved you from? Even the small behaviors that needed a touch of His grace? I have often thought that because I didn't have a dramatic story, then maybe I wasn't "so bad". Well, today I found a tape of me and an old friend of mine named Heather from middle school. We fell out of touch years ago, but I thought it would be fun to listen to this tape. A good chunk of the tape is us bashing another friend of ours that we hung out with a lot. I know this was like, 12 years ago, but I had this "aha" moment where I realized it was this that I was saved from. I'm not saying I'm guilt-free in the gossip and judgement area, but in hindsight, I realized the weight of my words. I found pleasure in making myself feel better about myself by making fun of someone  else. 

Jesus has certainly saved me from a lot. While it's fun to take a stroll down memory lane, I am also grateful that I have turned my life around!

In His Mercy.

Reality Does Not Bite

I haven't written in over a month. It's not that I don't have anything to say. In fact, I have a lot to say, but not a lot of words to articulate it all. I'll just give a brief update about what's going on with me. I spent two weeks in Connecticut last month so I could get some wedding planning done and have my first of four bridal showers. The shower was so much fun, but there are two observations to be made: one, it's weird being the center of attention like that; and two, bridal showers are kind of like Christmas in that you get all excited about the day coming, and then it's over in what seems like 5 minutes and there's that slight let down that it's all over.

So on my back down to Georgia, I was looking out the airplane window and watching us slowly descend towards the ground. I'm not a fan of flying, but I love landing. As we got closer and closer to the ground, I thought to myself, "When did I get so afraid of life?" It's as if somewhere in the last 5 years, a switch was flipped and I started fearing life. I fear that the plane isn't safe. I fear that when I drive in the rain, my car will crash. I fear the unfamiliar. So as I sat in that seat in that airplane, I said to the Lord, "I trust you. I trust that this plane is in your hands and that I have some things I need to do for you still." 

That was a Saturday. Two days later, I started my new job. I got a job at a preschool as the director's assistant. I pretty much do a little bit if everything. Since the two weeks that I have been there, I have substituted in the music class, helped out the two year olds, written a newsletter, began to organize all the paperwork they'll need to be re-certified this year as an accredited preschool, and made a little girl smile on the playground when no one would play with her. I may fear the unknown, but the truth is- not to toot my own whistle- that I have a lot to offer and I am able.

40 days till David and I get married....

In His Mercy.

Just One of Those Days

Today has been one of those days where I wanted to just sit down in the middle of the floor, cry, and just give up- and by give up, I mean go back to bed and hope for a better tomorrow. It's not even that the things happening were all that bad. Here was my day: wake up at 6:20, get ready for the gym, eat a bowl of cereal, head over to meet David, puppy McCartney poops and pees in her kennel, we get mad at her, go to gym, come back home, McCartney poops on floor after David had let her out, we get mad at her again, we go to get me a Georgia liscence and wait in line for 45 minutes only to find out that I needed either my passport or birth certificate, I get mad and start to cry, David goes to a meeting, I go back home only to find that McCartney has escaped from her kennel, chewed on things she's not supposed to, pooped on the floor again, I get mad at her and she goes back to the kennel, I go to my meeting-exhausted by now, come home and suddenly McCartney is being an angel, but has to go out every 20 minutes (at least she let me know), I proceed to cry, and finally, McCartney falls asleep and I can finally get started on my homework.

Why do I fret the small stuff? Philippians 4:7 has been on my heart a lot lately: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." I need God's peace something wicked<-- once a Northerner, always a Northerner. It took me until about 4:00 today to actually stop and pray. It always occurs to me "too late" to do this. Why is this the case? Why do I not immediately turn to the Lord in prayer? I am just so desperate for the Lord's peace and rest.

My mind doesn't slow down these days. David and I get married in 2 months and 19 days- so lots of wedding planning. Classes are approaching their final module, which means lots of work due in the next couple of weeks. Job potential is just sitting out there and I am waiting patiently for an answer. 

I just need some rest. Lord, give me your rest.

In His Mercy.

I Sit and Watch

...as time goes by. It has been almost a month since I have last written and a month and half since I have moved down to Georgia. I can't even articulate what I have been doing. The brief update of my life is this: I finally unpacked my stuff, David and I are getting a puppy within the next couple of weeks, I went on my first vacation in about 11 years, and my parents are coming to visit next week.

I've had some intense "omg" moments in the past couple of weeks. This whole wedding ordeal is hitting me little by little. 101 days- or 3 months and 10 days. The first set of shower invitations have gone out and the wedding invitations have been ordered. Things on our registry are starting to disappear. All this is going on and last night it culminated with me crying in David's arms about missing my family. The day I marry David is the day I have officially separated myself from my family in some major ways. This is big.

I'm not scared or having any doubts. In fact, quite the contrary. It seems like everyday I love David even more, to the point where I wonder exactly where the human heart's capacity to love with God's love actually ends. It does say in Ecclesiastes (I think it's Ecclesiastes) that God has put eternity in the hearts of men. Is the ability to drink so deeply from God's well of endless love what this is getting at? October 18th will quite possibly be the one of the happiest days of my life. I am so anxious for our day to come. We set the date 10 months ago and time seems to have flown. But yet, 3 months and 10 days seems like forever and a day away. But for now, I constantly thank God for the man I have in David....

In His Mercy.

Georgia Heat and Gully Washers

It has been almost three weeks since I have moved down to Georgia and a lot has been going on in my life. I have only just started to unpack, partly because of procrastination and partly because I felt unsettled in my heart. I unpacked a few of my boxes the other day and it was almost therapeutic. We've put up some new curtains in the house and done a little cooking in our kitchen- it's these little things have gotten me so excited for October 18th when I marry David and move into our house with him.

I've also got wedding plans on my plate. It's amazing how quickly everything piles up. Detail after detail bombards me and while I am trying to enjoy all the planning, I wish there was an easy button.

And then there's my three online classes. Two words as of week two of them: not fun.

But the Lord is teaching me some things. One is the importance of just knowing Him. It would be impossible for me to know myself if I didn't know the Lord. Another thing I have been learning is a renewed sense of trust- there are so many reasons why I need to trust the Lord right now! I need to trust that I will settle in just fine with time. I need to trust that this long engagement is for a reason. I need to trust that even though times are getting hard and the economy is not exactly "pastor friendly" that God will provide.

I am so blessed to finally be here with David. I am so excited about this adventure that I am on!!!

In His Mercy. 

Moving Day

Yesterday was part one of moving day. Rudy and Starr came over in the morning and between them and David and I, all my stuff was on the uhaul. Another hour past that and all the cleaning was done. It was a glorious thing to take that key off my key ring and leave it on the table inside the apartment.

Last night, David looked at me and I just started to cry. Moving has been way more emotional than I expected. I feel as if I am starting completely over at square one. I won't have my family, or my friends, or the kids from my job or my church, or the comfort of the classroom. I'm moving to Georgia, finishing school online, getting married, and finding a job next year. Growing pains are no lie. I'm in a place where I have to let go of what's been comfortable and move into a place that is unknown, yet exciting. 

I'm ready for it. I love David and can't wait for October 18th. Now is the time to just trust the Lord. He has brought safe thus far, and I know He will lead me on. But that doesn't take away the fear of the unknown. I think this summer will be exciting, as I finally get to fall into a rhythm with David. We have been dating for 13+ months in a long-distance relationship. I am looking forward to how God is going to begin to use the two of us in ministry- together!

Today is part II of moving day. We are Georgia-bound!

In His Mercy.

5 Months

Five months from today is David and I's wedding!!! It's hard to believe that we're down to five months. We set the date back in early september- 13 months ahead of time! Eight months have passed and although it seems like it's still so far away, we have come a long way! I'm looking forward to October 18th- the day I marry the man I love=)

I move in six days!!! Moving week is finally here!!! I am so filled with excitement about this that I don't even know what to do with myself. I just have one more paper in between me and getting out of here. There is a lot of trusting that I have to do in the midst of all this. But, a lesson in trust is always a good lesson for me!

In His Mercy.