God is doing a good work in my life. For the past year+, I was in a place where I really just had stopped caring about my heart. I know that must sound weird and just to clarify, it had NOTHING to do with my marriage. I love David and our life together is such a blessing. My life circumstances dumped me into a place of apathy. I can't make too many excuses because ultimately I make my own decisions. This apathy frustrated me. I wanted to care, but couldn't force myself to. I guess I thought that moving to our new house and having a new start would magically solve my problems, but surprise, surprise, it didn't. God's renewing of my heart has been slow, one baby step at a time. It started with cleansing tears, a warm embrace, and an excitement to be back in the Word.
About a week and a half ago, David and I took communion together before Wednesday night super at church. It was just the two of us at the altar, sharing this intimate meal together. We have not taken communion together like this, ever! It was so special for me and it brought tears to my eyes. I felt God's presence with me, reminding me of the blessing I have in David. We are in this ministry "thing" together- for all the good, bad, ugly, and beautiful. It's hard being the spouse and figuring out how to be me in all of this. Another pastor's wife reminded me of the importance of remembering who I am and not worrying about perceptions. She's right- I don't have to be anyone else but me!
I just sense God moving in little ways here and little ways there and my heart is feeling uplifted once more. Praise Jesus!
In His Mercy.
