A Word from God

Since graduating from seminary a couple of years ago, I have struggled to come to terms with the fact that my faith and/or the practices of my faith cannot be tied to a specific place or season of my life. Going to a Christian college and then immediately off to seminary created a safe, easy place to cultivate good habits of devotion, prayer, reflection, study, etc. However, after moving to Georgia and settling into marriage, I began to really struggle with my faith. Not that I ever stopped believing, but just became lazy about time spent with the Lord. It became all to easy for me to point fingers, blame people or places that I felt were bringing me down. All along, I failed to realize that I make my own choices. I make the choice to sit in misery; I make the choice to turn the tv on; I make the choice to be too busy to just be still and listen.

Recently, I have gotten better about some things. For one thing, I try to pick up my Bible each morning before school. Also, I stopped trying to pray while falling asleep because inevitably....I fall asleep! One of my specific prayers is that God will open my ears to hear and my eyes to see the things He wants to teach me. Today I saw my prayers answered.

I love using stories of the kids in my life because so often, God uses these precious children to teach me. Today, one of the boys in my class handed me a big school bus toy and asked if I could pull out the fire truck that had gotten stuck inside. Frantically, I jerked it around, pulling and tugging and muttering that it looked like it was just stuck in there. But then, I relaxed and gently tried once more and it came out smoothly and easily. If that's not a metaphor for my life, I don't know what is! God is asking me to stop struggling and just relax so that things will go smoothly, as He intended. When I try too hard or when I hold on tightly with an iron-clad grip, God can't work in my life. It's no one else's fault; I just need to stop trying so hard.

Jacob wrestling the angel has become one of my favorite Old Testament stories recently. He wrestled with the angel until he received His blessing. Is it okay to struggle though to the blessing with God? I believe that yes it is. Is it okay to jerk things around and try to control something that was never ours to control? No, I don't think it is. There are things I wish I could control in my life. Things I wish would go my way. Things I wish were a little easier. Things I wish were other people's burdens, not mine.

But God used a Fisher Price school bus to remind me to stop jerking things around and being bitter. He reminded me to be a little gentler in my life with situations that are beyond my control. Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes to see and my ears to hear Your sweet voice!

In His Mercy.