Flickering Flames

Last night was my last Christmas Eve at home for a while. Everything seemed a bit more...."magical." Every last detail was like a warm cup of coffee- perfect to the last drop. I was there about 30 minutes early to practice my solo, so Pastor Rick had me light the candelabras that lined the sides of the church. As I lit those candles with wreaths splashed behind them, something in my heart clicked and it felt like Christmas to me. It truly felt like Christmas- not that church in and of itself was the answer to achieving the Christmas spirit- you have to have ears to hear. It was as I was lighting those candles that I heard Jesus whisper, "Rejoice! Your King has come to you!" I savored every moment of that service.

From the carols, to the special music, to the interpreters (we have a crowd of deaf people that come to the service), to the kids' smiling faces, to the final candlelight hymn, I will truly miss this church next year. I grew-up in this church- I was baptized there, confirmed there,became a Christian there, and next October, I will be married there=) Every detail of he past 25 years are carefully etched into my heart. I'm ok with this being "the end" for a while. Right now, I am rejoicing that it's Christmas! The King has come!

In His Mercy.

Christmas Time

This Christmas season has been very unique for me, and will continue to be. It's been very emotional- but with me, this probably isn't too big of a surprise! Thursday I helped pack David up. Although his memories there go further back, I have some memories buried in that house on Akers as well. As I walked back to David's room over and over to bring boxes out, I kept having this vision of this past summer. He had come up for a couple days to visit and I had come over to his house the instant he got there. I burst through his front door, ran down that hallway towards his room, and jumped into his arms. It was sad packing up his stuff, knowing we'll be apart next semester...

So I got home on saturday. After dinner, mom and I decorated the tree. It's tradition. Mom and I both ended up crying, knowing that this was the last Christmas for a while where we would be able to decorate the tree together. Although it was hard, I'm so excited for the blessings that God has given me in David. Next year, David and I will be married, in our own place, decorating our own Christmas tree and starting our own traditions. I can't tell you how excited I am for this!

This Christmas season is a season of transition for me. Not only am I enjoying my time here with my family for one more Christmas, but I'm longing to be with my fiance. It's our first Christmas together, and yet we're apart. But praise God for his blessings and his faithfulness. For even though I'm learning to let go, there is still so much to hold on to in Jesus!!!

In His Mercy.

Almost Done

I learned a very important lesson about ministry Friday night. I think that I had myself convinced that because I am young, I can wear myself down all week, get a descent night's sleep for one night, and be good to go. Either I'm getting old or this theory of mine needs some tweaking- I'm going with the latter. I had my family fun night on Friday night. I got to the church at 1 in the afternoon to go shopping with Melissa for food and decorations and then back to the church to set-up. By the end of the night, I was exhausted-partly from not getting enough sleep that week and partly because in the midst of it all,I didn't eat anything. Aaron walks up to me at 8:30 and says, "I can't wait for you to plan a couple more next semester!" My only response in that moment was to cry. Seriously, I just started to cry. This was just one event. Being in full-time ministry is more demanding than that! It made me realize the importance of having a regular schedule when I get a job. God reminded me that ministry is not only theological and biblical, but it's practical as well.

If there's one question that God has been asking me lately it's, "Why aren't you going deeper with me?" Well, God, I don't know. I want to. I desire to. I NEED to. My heart is crying for that something deeper. I'm so hungry and thirsty and I don't know whether I need to feed myself or go and get fed. All I know is that I need to go deeper. I want to feast, not just nibble. I want to drink so much that I'm overflowing. I want to stop with this spiritual snacking....

More love, More power
More of you in my life...

In His Mercy.