New Year, New Pain

It amazes me the amount of sadness and hurt there is in the world. One of the reasons I don't like to watch the news a lot is because I find it incredibly depressing. People shooting other people. Bombs. Terrorists. Disasters. How much sadness and pain can the human heart hold?

A new year brings new opportunities; new chances for hope and new beginnings. That's what I wished for sweet little Aubrey- a beautiful one year old whose older sister attends the preschool where I work. She has a rare form of cancer that she is dying from. It cuts me to the core- I'm not a mother yet, but just the thought of going through this breaks my heart. The hardest thing to understand and come to terms with is that God's healing takes on two forms- actual physical healing or healing by arriving in heaven to be with Jesus. I pray that sweet Aubrey will be healed! With God, all things are possible!

Now I sit here watching the coverage of the Haitian earthquake and the more I watch it, the more depressed I feel. What's worse, is that Sam Dixon, the head of UMCOR (United Methodist Corps on Relief) is missing, presumed to be in the rubble of the Montana. Sam is my father-in-law's first cousin. It makes it more real. It's easy to sit here and watch the TV, but when it becomes personal, suddenly you are forced to face the devastation. Is creation groaning for redemption? Are these natural disasters the groans that Romans talks about?

It's easy to have an achy heart these days. David and I have discussed in the recent weeks how to reconcile the condition of most of the world with the relatively peaceful circumstances we live in. How can we watch all this coverage of disasters and war and the turn of the TV and go about our days as normal? How can this be reconciled? Should we feel guilty? I honestly don't know. I have no control over the fact that I was born when and where I was born. But, I am still accountable to my fellow humanity, aren't I?

All of these things have been rolling around in my head. In the midst of the confusion and sadness, I am blessed by those deeply personal and still moments with the Lord. On Wednesday, Jeanne and I started of our day as usual by taking communion together and praying for each other. Ed served us and as he placed the wafer in my hand, he said, "The body of Christ broken for you because He loves you." Because He loves you. He loves you. Yes, Jesus does love me. That phrase was so beautifully intimate that I welled up as I realized that this simple phrase that we hear so often is so powerful and compelling. That phrase- He loves me- carried me through my day and continues to envelop my heart.

In His Mercy.