Memorial Day

I went to the Memorial Day parade with my parents in my hometown this past monday. During the parade, they had two fighter jets fly overhead a couple of times- pretty low, too. It gave me goosebumps. As I watched 3 hummers go by with military police inside, I was struck by something. Most of the men and women in the hummers were around my age and younger. It was in that moment that I realized Memorial Day has taken on a more significant meaning for me. The Iraq war is really the only war that has such a huge impact on my generation. Sure, there was the gulf war, but I was about 9 when that ended. I was too young to understand the implications of war. But the Iraq war, that's a different story. I know people who have been killed. I know people who have served in the war or are currently serving. While my view on war is complicated, nevertheless the troops need our prayers and support. As I sat watching that parade, it just struck me how big this war is. In my opinion, it's going to be a long time before peace is established. Did people really think it was as simple as going in to Iraq, killing the terrorist, turning their government into a democratic one, and then pull out? Of course it's not that simple! The tie between government and Islam is deeply rooted in the Iraqi land. Of course this isn't simple and of course the war is going to go on for quite some time. How long has it been? Over 5 years? I wouldn't say I'm an extreme pacifist, but I do think that maybe the U.S. government should have re-thought how they were going to handle this situation a little bit more before acting.

At any rate, we can pray. We can do whatever it takes to support our troops and what they are standing for. They are fighting for this country and we need to support them, whether we agree with the war or not. We can also pray for the Iraqi people and the Afghani people and everyone who is being affected by this war. Pray for peace, for God's power to reign supreme. Just pray....

Not my Yesterdays

One of my guilty pleasures is watching reality shows like The Bachelor and American Idol. Jordin Sparks won American Idol this season-she deserved it! One of the songs she sang for the finale had a line that went something like "I am made of more than my yesterdays." I think that this is a very true line. I always get very nostalgic when I spend time at home. I was looking throug my high school year book the other night and reading over all the notes people wrote to me. "Call me next year," "Keep in touch," "make sure you come back and visit," "Best friends forever"! Were we that naive at 18 years old to think that life could stay the same? Did we really believe that our best friends at the time would be our maid of honor and bridesmaids in our future wedding? Were our boyfriends really "meant to be"? Was it really true love? Was the world really ours to conquer?

6 years later I know that none of these things are actually true. My best friends are not anyone from high school. "True love" is very different as a 24 year old than as an 18 year old. While I do think the world holds potential for my future, I've also witnessed how the violence of this world can physically consume people from my past (i.e. Iraq). I've learned from my yesterdays but I am so glad I am not made of them! I'm glad that I am not who I was back in high school.

I have this awesome picture tucked into the front cover of my Bible. I cut it out from a church bulletin sometime last summer. It's a picture of God's hand with a person standing in it with a ray of light illuminating that person. When I first saw it, it just struck me. It is a perfect illustration of our dependence on God for our very lives. We literally are living out of the had of our gracious God. It reminds me of a verse from Psalm 145 that says that God opens his hand and satisfies the desires of every living thing. That's it- He opens his hand and we are satisfied! Now that is a powerful God!

In His Mercy...

A Place in Time

A year ago I was in such a different place. I was depressed, hated myself (literally hated myself), and thought starving myself would solve my problems. Society tells women that if they lose those extra 10 pounds, then life will be peachy. It didn't take me long to realize that this was not the case. Not eating made me more unhappy and the thing is, I may have dropped a few pounds, but as soon as I started eating normally, those few pounds came right back.

It was at the end of the semester a year ago when I realized just how deep my hurt and depression was. For 4 1/2 months I sought the affirmation of others, dealt with my depression by eating-thus the extra weight, and turned around and decided that cutting my calories in half was the best answer. Go figure- all it did was bring me back to square one. I decided I needed to do something about everything- be proactive, get help. So I did, and God's mercy is so sweet. His love is so deep and His redemption was the very grace my life was craving a second taste of.

A year later I am in a much better place. I've lost over a pants size, simply by living a healthy life. I've learned to appreciate all the friends that I do have and just like my relationship with the Lord, this means trust. I may mess up or do stupid things, but at the end of the day I rest my head knowing that the Lord still loves me and calls me His child and my friends still love me- quirks and all. I've learned to appreciate who God created me to be-HIs daughter, a woman with deep passions, dreams, emotions, intelligence, beauty, and tons of personality! I don't say these things with vanity, but rather to state that I know who I am.I appreciate what I have to offer. I love how God has created me.That's a huge step from where I was last May.

And last of all, God has blessed me with David. He came out of nowhere and moved into my heart.He is an example of God's grace in my life. David came after God filled my deepest need-to know who I am, to be sure of my identity. And that I am-I am nothing apart from Jesus Christ. So now, David and I can run towards that cross together!!

Caught up in the Whirlwind

So I'm home in Connecticut for the next week and a hlaf. I feel like this past semester was all about being on the move and trying to stay on top of all the work I had to do. So it's nice to be home, just me and the dog for a whole week, thinking about and processing through the past 4 1/2 months. This could take a few entries=) Today I had to go to the mall. Inevitably, I forgot to pack some things and unfortunatly, it meant a trip to the mall on a rainy day- all I wanted to do was stay in, watch tv, and enjoy my Dunkin Donuts coffee. I had to drive all the way across town and it was as if the first 18 years of my life passed by my eyes. I passed by my middle school, my high school, the high school hang outs, etc. It's weird knowing that life has taken me places that I never would have imagined, but that this town was where I lived for my whole life before I went off to college and then grad school. I feel attached to this town, but somehow so utterly DE-tached at the same time. I have no idea if that even makes any sense.

So apparently this was not a "process my semester" entry...but I guess I haven't processed anything yet...

My praise for this week: seeing God's grace and mercy so tangibly played out in someone else's life. The Lord never ceases to amaze me!

In His Mercy...

Crazy for You

God often speaks to me through people and yesterday he spoke to me through David- my wonderful boyfriend=) He held me in his arms and whispered to me, "I'm crazy about you." I immediately thought about how God the Father must hold us in arms and whisper to us, "I'm crazy about you!" What an amazing thought to know that God created me in His image, delights to love me, and is absolutely, totally, completely crazy about me. The truth of my identity of being a child of God is something that God has really spoken to my heart about this semester and He has made it more and more real to me each and every day! I can't imagine being anything other than a child of God!

and a plug for People Magazine from this week, which is actually probably off the shelves at this point- but it had an article in it about the mother of someone who I graduated from high school with. He was killed in Iraq on mother's day of 2005. The article profiles his mother and the mother of the guy who is buried next to him at Arlington Cemetary. If you have access to this issue, you should read the article. It's a great article!

In His Mercy.

Loving our Enemies

So on a whim last weekend I bought People magazine. It had an article in it about Virginia Tech. I was reading it and 2 things caught my attention. First, it was talking about how the campus was dealing with this tragedy and apparently on one of the greens, there is a memorial consisting of 33 stones- one for each student that was killed. It then went on to talk about how 32- yes, 32- balloons were released in memory of the students who were killed. Um, why is there discrepancy between the stone memorials and the balloons that were released? Oh right...because apparently the shooter was not included in the balloon release. This really bothered me. The article said that it was student who added a stone for the shooter as part of the memorial. Good for that student- I think that is a good example of what it means to love our enemies. I was really dissappointed in the fact that a balloon was not released in memory of the shooter.

I am certainly not saying that what happened was acceptable. What I am trying to do is stir up a little compassion and godly love. I can't imagine the despair and darkness that the shooter was living in that would cause him to commit such an act of evil. But even the most depressed person living in the worst despair we could ever imagine needs some love in their lives. Releasing a balloon for the shooter may seem like a minor detail that doesn't really matter, but when you really think about it, it has deep implications of how our society views forgiveness and love. It may be hard to forgive someone who does something like this and it may be hard to love them, but God says to do it. If God says it, then do it. It's times like these that our character can be built and formed into the likeness of Jesus Christ....

In His Mercy.