Forgiveness

Forgiveness is always a hard lesson to learn. Lately, I have found myself on both sides of the forgiveness spectrum. By this, I mean to say that not only did I need to extend forgiveness, but I needed to ask for forgiveness. In the first situation, I guess I adopted a mentality that attempted to bodly proclaim that since it was out of sight, it was out of mind. But it wasn't out of mind. Rather, I think it was "out of heart." I almost wanted to confront the situation head-on so that I COULD have real anger, frustration, and sadness. As it is, I feel like I went through the motions of the emotions- almost as an obligation. I find it hard to forgive in a situation that I'm physically separated from. But yesterday, I told the Lord that I officially have extended my forgiveness. After all, the terms of forgiveness have to be God's, not mine!

And then there's the need to seek forgiveness. This is hard- it's a big blow to pride and egos. And I admit that sometimes I struggle with pride. But I confess here that I needed forgiveness these past couple of weeks. I needed it bad.And yesterday I got it. It meant seeking forgiveness with this person and seeking forgiveness from the Lord.It's never an easy conversation to have. But, it is a testimony of God's love for me and this person's love for me. I think my struggle with apathy these past few weeks was because of the fact that I had forgiveness issues to resolve. I had to make things right in my life. Something inside of me knew that I couldn't fully come to the Lord when there were things that I was holding onto- white-knuckled at that. Te truth is that the Lord knows everything anyways, so it shouldn't be hard to just come out and say it. who are we kidding when we think we can hide from the Lord?

So yeah, apathy can be bad- but forgiveness is always good! Life is pretty busy right now. Right now, I am finding it impossible to do every single thing that needs to get done. Somehow I have to learn to prioritize and to realize that sometimes things have to be left undone. Someone once said that in ministry, you feel like you never actually "finish" anything. I think seminary can speak to that=) So I go on with my life now, knowing that I am free to forgive and be forgiven and knowing that I am loved by the best people on earth!

In His Mercy.