The Presence of God

I've been feeling pretty apathetic towards things lately. It started out as apathy towards a specific situation and then became general apathy. I felt like I was trying to give from nothing, worship without the heart, and trying to feel things when really I couldn't. Today in chapel Pete Greig spoe about prayer. Pete is British and began the 24/7 prayer movement. God's anointing was truly on him as he spoke passionately about prayer. In my head, I thought about how much I want a passionate prayer life, how much I want to be a prayer warrior, how much I want to just be in God's presence without worrying about having to be somewhere or do something. I just want to be and I want to BE with God.

During the last song we sang before the official benediction, I tried my hardest to fit my heart into a space it seemed to be resisting. Complete apathy. No emotion. JD gives the benediction and Matt starts to lead those of us who wanted to stay in "All Who Are Thrirsty." That's when the tears started. First a tear down one cheek. Then one down the other. and then the floodgates opened. I have a couple of reactions to this experience. First of all, let me say this: the presence of God was there. God was there. God graced us this morning and it was good.

I realized that there is a depth in the human heart that we couldn't possibly comprehend. There is a depth of pain lodged in my heart that I can't even begin to understand, but felt the effects of today. I know I have some forgiveness to deal with. I know I need to find my peace with God. But I also know that I am hurt. But God's visit to Asbury this morning was yet another reminder of the promises of God: that he gives us streams to drink from, a banquet to eat from, a hope to lean on, a faithfulness to trust in, and a love that feeds us daily. Wow. That's all I can say: WOW.

I also realized that perhaps God was moving among us to call us to a deeper prayer life. Maybe there was a reason why we all stayed in Estes today. I want to hear God's voice in this. I honestly do want to go deeper. I don't want to be satisfied with where I am now. I want to go deeper. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. And only God can fill me up...

In His Mercy.