Heavier Things

NO,this entry is not a tribute to John Mayer.

Yesterday was the day of heavy things. I found out two pieces of news, one right after the other that drained me. I had no energy to do anything, but I forced myself to go for a drive and run soem random errands that had to get done. I feel like these past 6 months have been such a challenge- if it wasn't one thing, it was another. I keep waiting for life to get easier, but it doesn't and I guess it's not supposed to. Isn't that what being an adult is about? Don't get me wrong- my life is good. All the fancy words in the world couldn't describe how amazing my life is- so I'll settle for "good." I have amazing support systems in my life, people who carry my burdens with me and are there for me.

So back to yesterday. I had volunteered last Sunday to help out with a family night that was last night. Well, I didn't want to go becase of how much the day had eaten away at me.I called Melissa (children's pastor) to see if it had been called off because of weather, but it was still on. I sucked it up, turned on some worship music, and drove into Lexington. It's incredible how God works. Those kids have a way of lifting my spirits in such a therepeutic way. David and I talked about it when I got home and he pointed out that that is just how God created me. Despite the fact that I had three elementary school girls painting all over my face and despite how they stained one of my favorite shirts because of it, I still went home with such joy in my heart. God has created me to have a passion for loving kids and ministering to them and I am honored to do so!

Life may be about the heavier things right now, but my God is faithful and He will carry me through...

In His Mercy.

Walking the Line

So I've been thinking about the difference between dependence and interdependence. There's a fine line between the two. Dependence can be a very dangerous thing.In fact, I honestly think the only one we can ACTUALLY depend on is the Lord. God made us to be dependent on Him and not on each other. However, before you start raising eyebrows at that last comment, let me qualify that statement by saying that God DID create us to be interdependent with each other. We are to bear each others burdens, not let people dump their problems on us or dump our own problems on other people. We are to encourage others, but also recognize that there are boundaries that we need to have in order to keep our own sanity. We are to utilize our gifts and abilities in order to build the Body up, while at the same time leave room for grace and forgiveness because sometimes we mess up and let people down. We are to give and receive. Dependence often becomes a one-way street, but interdependence is a two-way street. It's more about equality.

An example of this I see in my own life is my relationship with David. We are our own people. We understand who we are apart from each other, but at the same time we have a profound sense and understanding of who we are together. We have areas of our lives that our are own, but yet we still share those things with each other. I know that I still crave my independence, but all the same, I crave the interdependence that David and I have in our relationship. It's a mystery to me. It's God's grace- the coming together of two lives- one from Georgia and one from Connecticut.

I think that we all struggle with dependence at one point or another. We walk that fine line between healthy interdependence and unhealthy dependence. What counts is what we do about it- will we make that tough decision to take the steps needed to break that dependence? Or will we choose to stay in that dependence and ultimately hurt ourselves? I've been in those "dependency situations." I ended up just hurting myself and eventually I realized I was not being kind to my friends. I took the steps needed to be a whole healthy person.

In His Mercy...

Love

In my UM Theology class this morning we talked about love. We talked about how true, sacrificial love is a reward in and of itself. Sacrificial love actually hates recognition. It reminded me of a friend of mine's sermon in chapel last year. She talked about how it is impossible to truly love other people with human love. Human love is so limited and in a sense, an illusion because it runs out. It only loves when the person FEELS like loving. But true, godly love never runs out. It loves depsite emotions. It loves selflessly, not expecting anything in return. Because God IS love, it just can't run out. When we love others with the love of the Lord, it is essentially perfect love; it is love being drawn from a fount that will never "run out" of love. What an amazing thing to think about!

And speaking of love....I have to say it...I am in love and I want the whole world to know! I am so full of happiness and joy and thankfulness to the Lord for providing for me! I love you, David Anthony Wofford!!!! And I don't care who knows it;-)

At The Cross

While Jan was fulfilling her altar ministry commitments last night at Ichthus, I had some quality alone time to people watch and reflect on the speakers and artists. I won't mention the name of the speaker because what I'm about to say isn't very positive. I felt like the speaker spent more time talking about how HE had impacted people, and not how GOD had impacted people THROUGH him. Yes, God's power was mentioned and it's awesome how God has used this person to reach people, but he came off as slighty self-centered to me. However, at the end of his talk, he had people stand who were in need of prayer. People around them stood in solidarity with them and put their hands on their shoulders as a reminder that God has not forgotten us. Off to my left was a group of middle school girls standing in a circle, arms around each other, praying. It struck me and brought tears to my eyes- that is such a powerful image and I sincerely hope that they realize what a precious gift moments like that are. For some reason it reminded me of my senior year of high school. My senior year pretty much stunk because of things going on in my life at the time, but God's grace was so obviously present. When I got accepted into Gordon College right before Christmas of '00 (early decision; the only school I even applied to), my mom and I took a trip over to our church. I sat in the dark sanctuary at the foot of the cross with tears streaming down my face. God was so faithful and that was very real to me in that moment. My acceptance was the light at the end of the tunnel; it was God's redemption of my whole 4 years of high school. HIgh school doesn't bring back too many happy memories for me....

On a side note, I was more impressed with BarlowGirl's worship leading than the speaker. Talk about 3 women with such a voice for the Lord, especially at Ichthus where it is clear that a word of purity needs to be spoken to the females of my generation and the next. Btw, I got to meet the Barlow girls and get my picture taken with them=)

God is faithful and God is a God of grace and mercy. He is MORE than enough for me.

In His Mercy.

I Will Wait

I had a very vivid dream the other night that struck fear in me. I forced myself to wake up and then felt too anxious to go back to sleep; I was afraid of having the same dream over again. After thinking about it all day yesterday and talking about it at leangth with David, one word sums up the dream: anxiety. I don't think the dream was from the Lord, but rather an act of Satan, warring against the goodness of the Lord in my life. Regardless of the message of the dream, David was right in saying that I need to receive God's peace in this. There's a lot of things tht my mind races around, but I see now that I need to stop.....and wait.

I was listening to Jason Upton- he has a song called "I will Wait." This verse got to me: An evil army's all around me/ another wall that's in my way/ but I believe the Word you promised me/ So I will wait another day. What is this word exactly? "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength (Isaiah 30:15)." In the Christian walk, there seems to be a great tension between receiving and trying to earn our salvation, or deliverance, or blessings. The fact is, we can't earn anything from God. He owes us nothing, but we owe Him everything. But it is in our repentance, rest, quietness, and trust that we receive strength and salvation from the Lord. God has promised us HIs peace and deliverance, but we need to wait for it. How ironic is it that it is in rest and quietness that we receive? Aren't those the very things that are "dis-valued" by this world?

Somehow we must push past these tensions and wait on the Lord. He has promised us and He will follow through.

I will wait for you, Lord....

In YOUR Mercy....

C'est la Vie

I'll be honest, despite the negative in my life right now, I love my life. God has blessed me so abundantly. His grace has worked in me so much in these past 2 years in seminary. I've grown to love myself and embrace some sense of self-confidence. He's thrown me into a ministry that I love (Children's ministry at church- I absolutely love those kids), given me the motivation to put my heart into my school work, taught me in a tangible way what it means to rest in Him as His daughter, and blessed me with a man who cares about me more than I imagined anyone ever would- someone who sees me and fought to win my heart. I am so ridiculously happy and filled with joy.

But oh how quickly the devil is given a foothold. Spiritual warfare is so real. It doesn't take much to let Satan right in. I feel a bit of that warfare in my heart right now and I'm fighting it. In a perfect world, I'd be able to make everyone happy, be in two places at once, and know the right things to say at the right time. No opportunity would be wasted. But the world is not perfect and all I can do is keep calling on Jesus Christ and trusting that He will deliver me.

In His Mercy...