Redemption

I was thinking Wednesday night, as I was trying to calm myself down from the excitement of the day, that getting engaged was in a way a redemption. In the moment that David said, "Will you marry me?" and I said yes, God brought full redemption to the brokenness that I once had. I really struggled with being single. I wanted nothing more than to get married and have a family of my own. It was a desire that was so deep in my heart and I got to a point where I was tired of people saying to me, "God wouldn't give you these desires if He wasn't going to provide for you." Well, how was I supposed to know whether these desires were from the Lord or my own selfish desires? I can't tell you how many times I cried out to God, praying to be ok with being single. I finally got to a point where I had a deeper understanding of being satisfied in the Lord alone and that is exactly when the Lord gave me David. And 7 1/2 months later, David got down on his knee and proposed. That was the moment when I realized that God had redeemed a heart that had been broken. He redeemed the despair I felt for so long.

I have so much to be thankful for this holiday season. A wonderful fiance. Friends who love me and want what's best for me. A church family to share in my joy. Ministry involvement that crazy enough, is a nice study break for me- no matter how loud and crazy those kids get! I have a family that loves me and supports me unconditionally and has raised me well. My parents have shown me in their own relationship what a marriage is supposed to be. And most importantly, I have a deep joy in my heart that wouldn't be possible if it weren't for the living Jesus Christ.

In the words of Edwin McCain, cheesy but so true:

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more

In His Mercy.

Engagement!!!!

So, my big news is that David proposed to me about 2 1/2 hours ago. I said yes!!!! We're ENGAGED!!!!!!! It was a very sweet proposal. I took David to see the church that we're going to be married at. HE took me over to the piano in the sanctuary and asked me to stand at the corner near the keys. He sang to me the song "Make you feel my Love," which is the song we are going to dance to for our first dance. Then he told me how much he loved me and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I said yes, with many tears and threw my arms around him. After composing myself a little, he put a beautiful solitaire stone on my finger.

I am overjoyed right now. I can't even put into words my emotions and thoughts. I am just the happiest girl in the world!

So yes, October 18, 2008 is the big day!!!

God is so good!


In His Mercy.

Dancing

First off, go to the myspace homepage, click on the music option, do a search for the indie artist Elisa, and listen to the song "Dancing" on her page. It's incredible. It gave me goosebumps. It's amazing how music can have such an effect on people...But yeah, not why I'm writing...

Yesterday in my moral development, an Augustine quote came up in conversation. It goes something like, "Our hearts are restless until they find their rest in You." I love this quote. I had to read the source this came from in Church History and I remember stopping and re-reading the quote several times. It's hard to imagine what it would be like to go back to when I didn't know he Lord. There's no way I could do it. I have tasted and seen how good the Lord is and there is no way I could live my life apart from Him. Without Him in my life, I would be a wanderer, with no place to go. No vision. No direction. No rest. But my heart has found rest in the Lord and that is such an amazing comfort.

Life is good. The semester is nearing a close, which is a blessing. God is certainly moving and answering prayers. David and I had an amazing conversation that just brought such joy to my heart. I almost can't believe the blessings in my life. I'm overwhelmed by God's faithfulness in providing for me exactly what I need when I need it.

"Every good and perfect gift comes from above...."

In His Mercy.

Growing Pains

I realized today what an interesting phase of my life I am in. It's funny, because starting about half-way through college, I thought a lot about marriage. At that point, marriage was a smooth transition. There would be no inbetween phase where I would have to let go of my parents and lean on my husband. I think that this problematic thought process existed because I had no context for marriage. Now I find myself in a place where I am getting professional degree, I am 850 miles away from home, and in a committed relationship. My thought process has chnaged and so has my heart. It has been hitting me hard lately that I need my parents in a very different way now. I'm learning how to lean on David and to need him- in healthy ways of course. It's a hard process to face there evidently is an overlap phase where I'm still holding onto my parents with one hand and the other hand is holding onto David. This causes a lot of tension for me. I am the baby girl in my family, so to have to let go is painful. I was telling David last night that I really feel like I am processing through growing pains that happen at this stage of life. It's hard, but I'm so excited to see how God is going to continue to move and birng David and I's hearts closer and closer together.

This morning I met with my group for my discipleship class. We have a group paper to put together. I was kind of dreading this paper because group papers can be disastrous. It is a daunting task to integrate 5 different papers into one. But as we sat around going over our papers and talking with one another, I felt empowered. I don't know how else to describe it. It made me excited about our paper. It made me excited about ministry. It's amazing how God can come down and say, "Sarah, get over yourself. Stop stressing out over these things. This can work. I can work even in situations like this. And right now, I want you to see how blessed you are to be able to discuss ministry with other passionate people."

So yes, I am in an interesting phase of my life right now. And I am so blessed. I love where I am. I love the people in my life. I love the ministry opportunities I have been given. But most of all, I love how the Lord is moving!

In His Mercy.

Dreaming

So yesterday in church the sermon was on prayer. One thing that really spoke to me was how when we can't sleep, we should pray because maybe God has something to tell us. I went to bed last night with a million things zooming through my mind. So of course, the tossing and turning ensued pretty quickly. So I prayed. I asked God to reveal to me the things I was seeking after. I asked him to help me get through the rest of this semester and to help me balance my time bettter. I don't remember actually ending that prayer, so I guess the Lord granted me sleep. So....I prayed my way to sleep. I prayed for the stress to be lifted, and what happened you may ask? I dreamed of my stress. I dreamed that all of the free time I had and all the mornings I had to sleep in were gone. People (that I don't even know) kept calling me and asking me to babysit and I just kept saying yes. The part of me that figured out I was dreaming kept screaming to me "nooooo! Stop saying yes!!!" So what do I do with this? I prayed myself to sleep after asking the Lord to relieve me of my stress, and I dreamt of stress. Not exactly settling. I don't quite know what to make of it all. I mean really, it almost seems cruel to me.

But yet somehow there is still this central part of my life. It's the eye of the storm that the Lord keeps bringing me back to. Even when I feel like I'm getting swept away in everything else, God whispers to me, "I am your center. I am all you need. More than you could ever want. I'm your supply. I'm your life. More awesome than your finite mind cn even wrap itself around." So at least I can say that my center is still there and I can recognize it. And even though the end of this semester will be bitter-sweet, I look forward to being able to fill the prescription Aaron gave me: read fluffy books, watch movies, and stay in my pajamas most of the day. 5 more weeks....

In His Mercy.

Cloud of Witness

So on thursday, our chapel service at school honored All Saints Day.As part of the service, they have us all stand in memory of alumni who have passed on. Then they have all of us sit and those who have lost loved ones in the past year have the opportunity to stand and honor their lives. My first two years here, I have to confess, my heart was not "in" this. My mind would wander and it almost didn't make sense to me. But this year I stood in honor of my grandmother who passed away on August 17th. As soon I stood, I started to cry tears that I didn't know I had. Suddenly it all made sense to me. My grandmother was an amazing woman of God. She was so full of love and faith in Jesus and she has now joined the great cloud of witnesses that Hebrews 12 talks about: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." My grandmother has run the race and I have to believe that she is cheering me on each day as I run my own race towards Jesus Christ.


I feel like God has given me water to drink. I sat at the rail today in church and just breathed a breath of life. There is so much going on that wants to suffocate me and take away God's presence, but I can't let that happen. For the first time in months, I actually can see the edges of the wilderness. I'm making my way out and God is offering me the Water of Life. So I'm drinking it up and it is GOOD!!!!

In His Mercy.